I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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