I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
