i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
