you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
