I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize