I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
