he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
