Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
