oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
