one might say we're banned from that church
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
