he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize