i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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