He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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