I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
