I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
