I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
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