saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
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