If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
