So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Reggie can tackle my bush.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
