Can Purell be used as lube?
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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