Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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