Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
My nipple is on Facebook.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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