You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
