Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm getting married
To pizza
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
