____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize