My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
