His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
