Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
