The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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