cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
