so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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