Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
