I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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