The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
