i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
