i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
