Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize