They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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