Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
