Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
