3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
