Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Randomize
