I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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