i may or may not be watching the land before time
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
