goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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