i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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