I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
