I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
