dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
