Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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