Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
