Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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