very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
