Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
