my being single is dangerous.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
