Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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