Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
