im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize