Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
