great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
