he looks like a really good dad on facebook
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
