Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
