you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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