I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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