Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
