i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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