My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
