i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
