So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
