I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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