My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
He felt like a one man threesome
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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