next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
