I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
