And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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