Well douche your snatch and let's go!
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize