You're completely useless in the revolution.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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