i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
