I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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