Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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