and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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