Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
