explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
