Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
You may now shotgun with the bride
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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