I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
