I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize