yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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