New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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