You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
