I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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