Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize