Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Randomize
