did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
