2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
