Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
