New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
