dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
