The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
