there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
