1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
