ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
