what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
