Rock
Scissors
Fuck
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
