Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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