The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
