I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize