i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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