Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
